Amazing Women Rock - Cougars: Are We Predators? Or Just Playful Pussycats?

Cougars: Are We Predators? Or Just Playful Pussycats?

“What do you think of this ad from Air New Zealand?”

The question, and a YouTube link, came from my friend Bebhinn Kelly, Chief Fashionista at www.hellwafashion.com, and a regular supplier of juicy, thought-provoking and sometimes controversial material for AWR.

I clicked. I watched. I pondered. I considered blogging. I demurred.

That was earlier this week. This morning, I got my daily Huffington Post email update, and there it was again: OMG! Cougar Controversy!

Uh oh. Time to take a second look, and put fingers to keyboard. Let’s begin with the video in question:

Before I go any further, there are a few pertinent facts that inform my view on this video:

I was born on January 28, 1956. That means next week I’ll “celebrate” my 54th birthday.
I am not yet dead, physically, mentally, emotionally OR sexually. On the contrary. I’m full of energy and enthusiasm for life, and all it has to offer. I am sensual, sexual and passionate (and not afraid to say so).
Since becoming single again five years ago at the age of 49 (after a 20-year marriage that was for the most part wonderful), I have dated, off and on.
Some of the men I’ve dated have been younger. Much younger. A couple of them were under 30. Does that make me a sexual predator? I don’t think so. (I've also dated men my own age as well as some who were older.)

I find it curious that “older” women who date younger men are characterized as desperate, predatory hunters who troll bars, pubs and clubs in search of hapless victims on which to prey. What a load of rubbish!

Who dreams up this stuff? Is it SO unbelievable that young men might find mature women attractive? Is it SO out of the question that a modern day urban myth springs up to explain the “aberration?”

Caught Dead With The Near Dead? No Way!

Ah yes, I hear the societal hue and cry now: “Surely not! No man in his right mind would want to be caught dead with a woman over 40!” The only possible explanation must be that he was chased, trapped, and seduced against his will by some old crone.

Well, I’m sorry to dispel the myth, entertaining though it may be, but I know from personal experience that some young men prefer “older” women – and THEY often pursue US, not vice versa.

This is not to say there aren’t “experienced” women who actively seek out younger men. (And some of them may actually even do so in bars God forbid!). But I don’t think there are more older women chasing younger men than there are older men chasing younger women, or people of all ages and descriptions chasing each other, for that matter.

No Pub Cubs Rubadubdub With Me :)

What I know for sure (with a nod to Oprah for coining the phrase), is that I didn’t meet any of my "cubs" in bars, clubs, or pubs. Yes, I go out – to concerts, plays, parties, movies, art galleries, etceteras. And yes, occasionally I go to clubs. And oh yes indeed, I've been known to dance and even to flirt (!) while I’m there. (As I said, I’m not dead yet.)

But have I “hunted” young men in bars? Nope. Not a single one. Neither did I pursue any of those whose company I had the pleasure of keeping over the last few years. Uh uh. In all but one case, they made the first move. As for the exception, I think he would agree that the attraction was mutual right from the start.

(It’s ironic, come to think of it. I met my ex-husband in a bar. He asked me to dance. I declined at first, but he convinced me. That particular dance lasted the better part of two decades, but that's another story.)

To be honest, I’m a bit unclear on what all of this older/younger dating to-do is about. I think consenting adults should be free to choose with whom they spend their time and share their love, regardless of age, race, religion, and/or nationality – AND they should be able to do so without being judged and/or made fun of by others.

The Bottom Line?

All of which brings me back to the video: Do I find it offensive? Mildly. Do I find it amusing? Somewhat. Am I “outraged,” as some are? Not really. Will I lose sleep over it? Nah.

But I did leave a tripartite comment on YouTube:

What does this have to do with flying, Air New Zealand and/or seat sales?
This is one cougar that has been pursued by so-called “prey,” not the other way around.
Growl. Purrrrrrrr. Yawn. I think I’ll take a catnap. All that late-night prowling fueled on nothing but sparse vegetation means we cougars need extra beauty rest.

Meeooww.... Oh, and BTW, just for the fun of it: MUAH!

Air New Zealand’s ‘Cougar’ Ad Causes Outrage (The Huffington Post Piece)
Cindy Gallop (Change Agent / Amazing Woman)
AWR's Favourite TED Talk To Date: Make Love Not Porn
Joumana Haddad’s Version Of Sex In The City Rocks Beirut

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written by Cindy Gallop, January 20, 2010

I'm with you on this (of course!) - particularly having seen how the YouTube comment stream on my MakeLoveNotPorn TEDTalk jumped so readily to the immediate assumption that I must be a man-hungry predator practically ravaging young men against their will. I've never 'pursued' or hit on a younger man in my life; they come after me - I only began dating younger men because they approached me - and yes, there are plenty of extremely nice and attractive young men who think dating an older woman is the hottest thing out. (To the gentleman who posted on YouTube, 'Any young guys fucking her must be doing so out of pity', I responded, 'Fortunately a number of guys in their 20s like to do charity work.') I'm not a fan of the term 'cougar' precisely because of its predatory implications, but since it's now so widespread I'm happy to take on the task of helping redefine what it stands for

And I find the Air New Zealand ad screamingly, hysterically funny!

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written by Susan Macaulay, January 20, 2010

I like the idea of charity work - especially when it's for such a good cause ;P

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written by Mary Jardine, January 21, 2010

The younger men do come after older women, some because they like you and others think you will support them. It is a toss-up. I do not get a thrill from this as a few have been my son's age and instead of being upset, I laugh and say "what would your mother think". That ends the flirtation quickly.

Older men and young ladies, this gives the man a feeling he is a teen once again. I just wonder what they have in common except the bedroom but it really is not my concern any longer. My ex chased after 16 year olds until one child's father went looking for him with his rifle!! Too bad he did not catch him! Rock salt was definitely needed in this situation.

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written by Fare Bella Figure, February 20, 2010

The reason why I found it odious is because of my day job, I work in the Ad Industry, the last bastion of the misogynist. An industry were for years the old adage sex sells was the mantra for many of the young bucks, the young bucks turned into boring old farts who unfortunately unable to peddle that tried and test ‘sex sells’ as it is banned by most advertising authorities, have resorted to ripping woman apart in the most undignified way possible, and this is their latest foray .

Though l wanted to laugh at this ad, and it could have been so amusing had it been made by women, l couldn’t because l found it crass and not that funny. Yes, l do date younger men, and l will continue to do so. Do not call me a cougar though, Mrs Robinson if anything.......... please if you want read my blog you’ll understand why...... And to you Mrs. Robinson : http://bit.ly/c1EZTq

After Mad Men was aired, many of my friends who work outside the industry asked me if it was anything like the program, even though it is set in the 1960’s, l replied nothing has changed, well one thing the dress code!

Amazing Women do ROCK!

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written by Mark Davis, March 09, 2010

Ok, as a man in the middle of all this, too old to be a cub, maybe a mature cub? And finding women of all ages totally irresistible, I can't see anything wrong with the matching of people of different ages.

My fiancee is 26, I'm 39. Its exactly the same, but in reverse, so I can't see the big deal. Where there is a typical kneejerk reaction its from people saying its different for guys.

No its not. Women get sexually more confident and mature and positively radiant from 40 onwards, when the rest of their life is working. So 40,50,60 really is just a number. Chemistry is chemistry, no denying.

When I met Adrienn, it was so strong a chemistry, that the reactions have often been volatile, with a few explosions... but thats like any relationship. Good, bad, powerful emotions and feelings help you know you're alive.

If any guy was lucky enough to be educated by a cougar, I'd wish him well, and hope to see him next time with a cheshire cat smile because one thing the cougars have is experience... how to make any experience great - from a trip to the movies through to the most intimate of acts.

Ladies, be yourselves, and guys, you wish you could be so lucky.

Mark

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