I feel deep loneliness at the core of my being.

It’s part of me, and it runs through my life like a river. I’ve come to observe it and know it more in the last five years. With knowing, I’m learning that loneliness is not necessarily "such a sad affair," words famously coined by The Carpenters in their 1971 hit song Superstar.

Loneliness is neither worse, nor better, than happiness (which I also feel at the core of my being).

Some people say we choose our feelings. Others say our feelings choose us. Maybe both are right. I believe loneliness, like happiness, just is.

I spend a lot of time alone. I always have. Partly due to circumstance, partly because of who I am.

As a girl, adolescent and young woman, I never quite fit in. I was painfully shy and had few friends. I longed to be part of the group, but seemed never to be included. Somehow I didn’t quite belong. That brand of being alone was difficult. It still is.

Much of my work involves writing, for the most part a solitary activity. I spend hundreds of hours alone at the computer. This kind of solitude, during which one is engaged in creative pursuits, reflection, or work, can be both joyful and rewarding.

Being alone and being lonely are of course totally different. One can be alone without feeling lonely, and yet feel lonely when not alone. Thus loneliness, like happiness, it would seem, comes from within.

Underlying my own loneliness is a feeling of being disconnected. I struggle constantly with an overwhelming need to connect and a deep desire to be alone. Both are vitally, and equally, important to me.

One of the themes of my life is learning to balance and reconcile the two – in work, in play, and in relationships.

This website is part of the reconciliation process. The result of my continuing struggle for both connection and solitude. A gift from the loneliness at my core.

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written by Lynn Hamam, June 19, 2008

How many of us, growing up and at other stages of our lives, have felt so very alone or that we haven't fitted in with the "In" crowd?

How we try to change ourselves to be what we think others want us to be, often going against that which is the very core of our beliefs or upbringing.

Loneliness is a part of all of us, as is happiness or joy, so therefore in that truth, it also becomes the thing that joins us and leaves us not alone but truly belonging to each other.

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written by Susan Macaulay, June 20, 2008

Ah yes, you are right again oh wise one

Yet another paradox of the universe: our "separateness" is that which unites us and makes us one.

I think I shall just call you Master Yoda from now on

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written by Kamyar Houbakht, June 20, 2008

Separateness might be just an illusion created by our mind

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written by Susan Macaulay, June 20, 2008

Anything is possible

And if separateness is just an illusion, then so might be oneness (and/or unity). Because, if Lynn's argument holds true (if one, then the other), the converse should also hold true (if NOT one, then NOT the other).

If you want to take it one step further, everything, for that matter, might just be an illusion

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written by Mary Jardine, February 20, 2010

I agree Susan, there is a difference. I too, was very shy and learned to crawl into books which became my best friends.

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